The Buzzez FAQ
Revision 25; 15 July 2002

Buzzez Basics
  • What is Buzzez?
  • Buzzez - The Group of Chums!
  • What About Newbies?
  • What Sort of Things are Discussed?
  • People
  • Nognars
  • Nognars No-Tails
  • Other No-Tails of Note
  • Serfs
  • Lurkers and Others
  • Information for Buzzerz
  • Acronyms
  • Terms
  • Goofgoo / GoofGood / GoodGood Explained!
  • Disclaimer
  • For inevitable complaints, changes and updates to information, and photo submissions please contact Jules Hatton. If you have better photos, or photos for Buzzez punters where a photo is not yet available (regardless of their consent!) - please mail it pronto. :o) Also please help me fill in any missing or incorrect information! Oh, and if I've forgotten anybody let me know post haste. Cheers.

    Note that where applicable entries are sorted alphabetically.



    Buzzez Basics



    What is Buzzez?
    Top

    Time for a quick history lesson! Buzzez was originally a website (Buzzez.com) set up by Jules during the latter stages of the dot com boom time. It was a hierarchical set of communities, each containing links (with built-in site rating and site news features), as well as vote cast, classifieds and a discussion forum each.

    Due to Jules's own interest in Lotus Cars, this community was used as the test / development forum initially. This was approximatly August 2000.

    One of the main advantages of the Buzzez forum engine over many other alternatives was the software (referred to as SUS - see the acronyms below). As well as conventional web access, users could access the forums using special reader software which worked like a Usenet newsreader, only quicker.

    Despite a lack of interest in the other forums (even despite some 8000 sites soon being indexed in the directory as a whole), the Lotus Cars community burgeoned into a lively place.

    With the software being so immediate and quick to use (almost as fast as using an Instant Messaging program) it wasn't long before the forum activity become much less formal than many rival discussion forums. Friendships were being made, and abuse being casually swapped in a lighthearted manner :o).

    With a common interest in cars, and all comers being petrol heads - it wasn't long before the Internet was being cast aside and people were meeting up for real. Though this was not unheard of in the old Usenet days, the more social and closer nature of Buzzez made this so much easier and more comfortable for those involved.

    Indeed, the first Buzzez meet was less than a month after the official launch of the SUS - at the now legendary Anglesey Circuit no less. It was after this time that usage in the old Usenet "alt.cars.lotus" newsgroup begun to decline until it was a shadow of it's former self. Though this is or was a trend with Usenet as a whole at the time, the popularity of this new form of communication was apparent.


    Buzzez - The Group of Chums!
    Top

    Nowadays, "Buzzez" more commonly refers to the group of friends that first got together several moons ago at the Lotus Cars forum. Meets are increasingly large, and regulary at a trackday venue for a top day out for those of us that share this common interest.

    The Buzzez site itself was a commerical failure, and will eventually be shut down once and for all in mid to late 2002. Matters were not helped by an ISP that regulary corrupted and lost data - the perils of hosting such a complex bit of kit on a remote shared server.

    Buzzez - the group of friends - attracted quite a number of quite different people, not just folsk interested in Lotus. The success of the Lotus Elise indicated that this was a car universally accepted to be a modern classic, and with this the sort of people that briefly stopped by the Buzzez Lotus Cars forum were not necessarily Lotus owners but more commonly petrol heads bored and searching for amusement on the web.

    Buzzez members include of course Elise owners, but also owners of Caterhams, Westfields and many other marquees, not to mention racing drivers, trackday company directors, game developers, TV presenters (!), celebrities and not least no-tails! Oh, and plenty of SITT's (see Acronyms for an explanation).

    Due to failures in the Buzzez ISP, this group of chums has been forced to move to an alternative location hosted by a certain trackday company - at least for now. Because of this, there is a lack of a SUS - but Jules is working on a solution to this to ensure that "The Second Coming" is bigger and better than ever before!

    The Buzzez business concept does not end there though. The forum engine proved quite a popular and unique format, and has since seen action in various websites including on one occasion a web game for the Jordan F1 team. Rumours of a new forum network abound at the time of writing.


    What About Newbies?
    Top

    So, you're reading this and are quite intrigued and want to "join the gang". How should you proceed? Newbies are regulary not welcome on some "close" bulletin boards, but Buzzez is an exceptionally close-knit community!

    Rather than give you a checklist, or maybe a series of questions "are you compaitable?" to ask yourself... it can only be recommended that you lurk for a while. Often there are calls for the lurkers to delurk, because we KNOW you are out there! Best to ignore us. One day however, probably once you have got to know "the team" on a personal level - without ever exchanging a message - you may read something that you simply have to respond to... and then your life will be handed over to Buzzez. The "desire" to respond to what are commonly controversial viewpoints is possible the core movement behind Buzzez. Or something.

    It is not uncommon for there to be hundreds of posts in a single day - especially when the Buzzez SUS is operational. Reading is one thing, but contribuiting is another - it's a great way to pass several hours. This of course is a bad thing if you work on a "time is money" principle. Many a homeless Buzzer has been created by this way.


    What Sort of Things are Discussed?
    Top

    Take a look at some threads now and find out! Do not expect any "Lotus Cars" content. Buzzez brings a whole new meaning to the word "Off Topic". This is what makes Buzzez what it is - you can discuss ANYTHING, and we mean ANYTHING you like!

    Occasionally a Lotus related post may crop up, but this can only be expected and isn't a bad thing. In truth, naming the forum "Lotus Cars" seemed to attract the right kind of people. That is, Petrolheads interested in lightweight, cheap, fun affordable sportscars. A fair bulk of users own Lotuses, another fairly equal amount own even more extreme cars such as Caterham's, Westfields and other vehicles. The remainder often own sheds. We are not bothered what you drive, as long as you are a genuine petrol head.

    Back to the sort of topics discussed then. As you know it's not just cars. Want to know if you should shop at Tesco's or Sainsbury's? Raise the issue and watch in amazement as hundreds of posts are generated (though this topic has been discussed several times already).

    Having marital problems? Ask Buzzez for a solution.

    Assembling some IKEA furniture and are unsure about if to orient your wardrobe at the North or South facing of your office? Post a photo for analysis by the Nognar council. Sounds cheesy I know, but the list is endless...! :o)



    Nognars
    Top

    The Nognar's form the higher council of Buzzez, passing important laws and decisions. They sit round a round table, eating custard and jam.
    Shiny Andy (Nognar 9)
    Minister for Science (Polish, Bearding), Chief Whip (Nestle)
    Notable Car: Caterham 7 Supersport
    Recommended No-Tail(s): Kylie Minogue
    Recommended 4-Wheeled Devices: Taxi (for getting home in after a good night out)
    The 9th Nognar was elevated to Nognar status after abandoning his Max Power CRX for a more suitable form of transport. Much pleading for the Nognar 9 position was involved, also. During the battle of Beard Hill, Nognar 9 infiltrated the enemy lines with a very polished car. This act resulted in this Nognar's current ministerial position. Ousted Nognar 11 from his original position 9 on the table, after he preferred the more comfy seat.

    *hic*
    Greame Finlayson (Nognar 6)
    Minister for Sport and Farming (sheep)
    Notable Car: Carbon Westfield
    Recommended No-Tail(s): Mariah Carey: beautiful, amazing body, great rack, wonderful breath control, rich, famous and dumb as fuck. What more could you want in a girlfriend?
    Recommended 4-Wheeled Devices: Hayabusa Turbo, anti-lag, paddle-shift, pre-preg carbon-shelled, XTR2.
    The arrival of Nognar 6 seemed to open the floodgates for a large number of the more common or garden Nognar that we know of today. This led to a small uprising by the Buzzez serfs in which a small teppee was burnt down and a glass of vimto was spilt, also. Out in the field, Nognar 6 addressed his doubters with impressive driving skills which earned the highly sort-after Minister for Sport accolade.
    Will Fisher (Nognar 3)
    Minister for Leisure (Porn) and Road Safety
    Notable Car: MX-6 soon to give way to Lotus Excel; Scorpio also used as a garden ornament; VW Passat
    Recommended No-Tail(s): Faye Tozer, Tara O'Conner (Tara King)
    Recommended 4-Wheeled Devices: Lotus Carlton; Lotus Excel SE Celebration
    Rescued from a burning sex shop, Nognar 3 quickly learnt how to steal porn magazines by placing them inside a large broadsheet and buying that instead. During the battle of Beard's Bluff, Nognar 3 kept spirits up by drinking lot's of beer and singing Steps lyrics. Due to these valuable skills, Nognar 3 now has a valuable place in the Nognar Chamber, and also sits nearest to the custard cupboard.

    "F . . ."
    Jonny Leroux (Nognar 5)
    Minister for Transport
    Notable Car: Caterham Superlight, ex-Academy Race car; Toyota Van; 306; 205; Nova; MR2; The list goes on...
    Recommended No-Tail(s): "Sarah says Jonny's recomended no-tail is Sarah Hollins."
    Recommended 4-Wheeled Devices: Ferrari F360
    Nognar 5 take another important place at the Nognar table, and sits on an improvised small pile of tyres. He joined during the Battle of Beards Crotch in which he was discovered selling promotional merchandise and fake beards at the side lines, and making a tidy profit as he done so. The Minister for Transport, he enforces his views with extreme vigour, and woe betide the serf that get's on the wrong side of this Nognar. Nognar 5 has a large personal fleet of Nognar Craft.

    *strain*
    Superptchesh Luck (Nognar 10)
    Minister for Energy (Flames)
    Notable Car: Fire Spitting MR2
    Recommended No-Tail(s): Kylie Minogue
    Recommended 4-Wheeled Devices: McLaren F1
    One of the more recent Nognar's, it is a mystery why the 10th Nognar was not elevated earlier. Maybe he wanted to time his entrance perfectly to obtain the desirable 10th numeral. Always makes a big impression with huge flames coming from his rear passages. Like many of the latter Nognar's, Nognar 10 was originally a serf. However this particular member of the more scummy end of society was noted for regularing bringing deposits of jam and custard to the Nognar Palace. Nognar 10 now resides in a gold-plated structure made from ivory and decorated in gems from the farthest reaches of the Nognar kingdom.

    12 yrs old
    Jules Hatton (Nognar 1)
    Minister for Slacking (research)
    Notable Car: OMC Hatton Special Concept Car
    Recommended No-Tail(s): Natalie Imbruglia, Dido Armstrong
    Recommended 4-Wheeled Devices: Ferrari F360, Merc SL55 AMG, OMC Hatton Special
    Currently sitting at the head of the Nognar table (though this is debatable, since the table is round), Nognar 1 rules over his minions like a lonely Australian farmer does his sheep on warm humid summer nights. Rarely seen outside the castle walls, serfs from all across the kingdom travel vast distances whenever his lordship embarks on state visit or posts a letter in the postbox. Currently planning improvements in the Nognar Kingdom, including the much hyped SUS public transport system for faster Buzzez travel.
    Adrian Omatic (Nognar's 12 and 99)
    Minister for Science (Car Cloaking Devices)
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise; OMC Rojo
    Recommended No-Tail(s): Maria (SWMBO)
    Recommended 4-Wheeled Devices: Maserati 250F; OMC Hatton Special
    After much begging and arm twisting, Nognar 12 managed to bribe his way onto the Nognar table. His arrival caused a minor international incident when condemnation came from the Beard kingdom and caused unrest on the border of the Northern Westie Highlands. In the interests of reducing instability in the region, Nognar 12 has been developing the "Omatic", allowing the user to remain invisible and thus provide peace of mind.
    Rod Mardibloke (Nognar's 11 and 42)
    Naval Minister, Chief Whip (Cadbury's)
    Notable Car: Lotus Elan
    Recommended No-Tail(s): Cameron Diaz
    Recommended 4-Wheeled Devices: Lotus Carlton; Merc SL55 AMG
    The Nognar most available during afternoon's, evening's, night's and early morning's, Nognar 11 was recently ousted from seat number 9 by another Nognar grasping a threatening tin of polish. Nognar 11 is a dominating but shadowy figure, and often takes on an unofficial Mr Speaker role, as well as chief whip. Working with Defence Minister Nognar 8, Nognar 11 is the naval minister as it emerged he is rather handy on the wet stuff (that is, "waves" BTW).
    Juan Solo (Nognar 8)
    Defence Minister (Oriental Columbian Jedi)
    Notable Car: Westfield PPE, Lé Barge Francáis
    Recommended No-Tail(s): Salma Hayek
    Recommended 4-Wheeled Devices: Noble M12 GTO; Elise Sport 135
    The mysterious Nognar 8 arrived at the Nognar table with a pole vault from a light sabre, followed by a back flip and double whammy across Nognar 4's head. He then settled into his place, smoking a pipe. After this impressive display of skills, Nognar 8 is now full trusted with the Nognar military assets. Launches regular raids into the Eastern Beard provinces with help from the Northern Westie tribes.
    Nick Seven (Nognar 2, 7 and 007)
    Minister for Education and Poetry
    Notable Car: Caterham 7 Supersport
    Recommended No-Tail(s): Jo (SWMBO, or failing that - Will's Mum)
    Recommended 4-Wheeled Devices: R500
    Nognar 2 occupies not one but two main seats in the Nognar chamber. Often found experimenting with various makeshift and improvised apparatus at the Nognar table, his HTML Blue Peter skills made him the first winner of the popular television show - Nognar Idol. Regulary engages in combat with the Max Power hordes in the Nick Seven province. With all 12 seats of the Nognar table occupied, Nognar 2 is keeping the 7th seat warm with a ticking-over k-series. This is wise after the great Nognar influx created by Nognar 6.

    "Hello ladies!"
    Ray Trilby (Nognar 4)
    Argumentive Minister, also minister or co-minister for Technology, Energy (Virtual Flames) and Slacking (practical, not theory)
    Notable Car: Caterham 7 Superlight (called Anthea); Barge Brick (french thing); Toyota MR2's; MX-5; recently desposed of a Saxo
    Recommended No-Tail(s): Anthea Turner
    Recommended 4-Wheeled Devices: ?
    The old sage of the Nognar table, Nognar 4 is dedicated to the work of the Nognars. Sporting a variety of hats, often specifically picked to complement either one of the aging B Brick's, or the new "Anthea" in Nognar 4's fleet. Nognar 4's decisions have an extra level of processing automatically built into them, via the Mrs Ray device.
    Mystery Nognar: Oddly the name "Nognar" was registered as a Yahoo account. If you type "Nognar" into Google however, you shouldn't get any meaningful results. Whoever registered "Nognar" also lives in some far Eastern country based on the character set. Spooky!



    No-Tails of the Nognar Kind
    Top


    "giggle"
    Shiny Bex (Shiny)
    Can often be found gathering polish and cups of tea for supplying the bearded frontlines.

    "giggle"
    Sarah Hollins (Jonny)
    Notable Car: 306 and other vehicles in the Leroux fleet

    The long suffering backbone of Bookatrack.com. The trackday industry and the UK economy as a whole depends on the efforts of Ms Hollins.

    Mrs Ptchesh (Super)
    Once criticised Super for playing GPL. He replied with a single Ptchesh.

    Spooks (Jules)
    Jules's virtual playmate.

    Another SWMBO (Omatic)
    Everybody seems to have a SWMBO. They must come from a large family!

    "giggle"
    Jo (Nick)
    Essex girl?

    "giggle"
    Mrs Ray (Ray)
    Notable Car: MX5

    She pleased many a Buzzez punter in 2001 by raising the Trilby allocated trackday limit by a factor of 1.
    A Cheap Whore (Will Fisher)
    Image is purely for illustrative purposes and product is liable to change without notice.



    Other Noted No-Tails of Note
    Top


    "giggle"
    Hazel Dot
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise

    We did have a pic but it was lost under all her hair. Refuses to bow to Jules's requests to cut it off.


    "giggle"
    Siobhan Owens (aka Shivs)
    Notable Car: Wants a Frogeye

    Shown here on the right, Shivs is a rally driving veteran, now retired and working for a Health TV Channel. Ambition in life is to get DD to let her drive the Elise on circuit. Most frequently asked question: "What colour's your bush?" :-o

    "giggle"
    Rachel Smith
    Notable Car: Wants a Lotus Elise

    Upset Jules by being "probably lighter" than him. Upset everybody else by beating them at Karting. Rubs shoulders with Spice Girl Mel C and fellow celeb Hyla Breese.

    "giggle"
    Michele Stokes
    Other half of Mike Stokes. Visits Buzzez to keep a check up on hubby...

    "giggle"
    Suzi Toner
    Notable Car: Mercedes SLK; Caterham's; BMW and (now sold) Elise

    Countess of the Baron's castle, rumoured to keep a wild beast known as a Poodle (or is that the Baron?).

    "giggle"
    Vicky Butler-Henderson
    Notable Car: Nissan Skyline
    Had to be asked to leave Buzzez after harassing our men folk. Destined for that other secret-society and rival to Buzzez... Channel 5.



    Serfs
    Top

    Jimbo Bowers
    Notable Car: Lotus 340R; Lotus Elise with 100,000 miles under it's belt!

    Infamous for declaring the BAT website a steaming cow pat and a shadow of it's former self, he now has his own TV show - Jimbo TV. Or something.
    Hyla Breese
    Notable Car: Competiton Touring Car for 2002, Motorsport Elise (racing Exige) last year; Lotus Elise Sport 160 road car

    Buzzez favourite Australian! Perhaps should be listed in the lurker section, but special treatment is given to top class racing drivers. One day we hope to have a whip-round and buy some sponsorship space on his car, though by then he could be in F1 or some other ultra-expensive category. Which is no bad thing...
    Richard Breland
    Notable Car: Project Nutter - VTEC engined Westfield

    Famous for his frankenstein-style operation of forcing a VTEC inside a Westfield, the results so far are astounding as far as the Honda scream is concerned.

    Stephen Clarke
    Notable Car: Caterham 7 Superlight R, BMW Coupe Sport

    I was told that providing a description along the lines of minger-butt-fucking, fanny-licking male-slut would be well received. I'm not sure what my contact meant, or how this reputation came to proceed him. Either way I suspect this description shall be short lived.
    David Daniels
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise Sport 160, Caterham 1600 Supersport

    Sometimes referred to as Daddy Daniels, he quickly becomes angry shortly afterwards. Makes petrolhead TV programmes not unlike Jimbo TV. Probably.
    Matt Daniels
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise

    Not related to Daddy Daniels, this old hand says he can live without Buzzez. However, let us recall for a moment the term "flies round shit". The OAP's favourite hospital DJ is often visible in many a Jimbo TV program passing the camera at high speed, then careering off at even higher velocities. Backwards.
    Dave Higgs
    Notable Car: Caterham R500, Subaru Impreza

    Also known as "Donkey", the farmyard population of Buzzez increased this year with the introduction of a new foal into the world. Incredible car control combined with an impressive lap time around Anglesey often ensures lot's of air time on Jimbo TV.
    Jason Holliday
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise

    Manages a range of accomodation occupied by lesbians, Buzzez most favourite ginger has not yet released a "you've been framed" video for publication on Jimbo TV.

    Matt Lawrance
    Also known as "that Max Power Aunt", he continually makes passes at Vtec Limey...
    Vtec Limey
    Notable Car: "Ex Honda Rally Car"

    Despite many calls to FOAD, through persistance this particular Buzzer is finally becoming accepted as a regular. During quiet days he is still the target for much abuse when boredom sets in, and thus in this respect is an essential part of Buzzez functionality.
    Big Man
    Notable Car: Ferrari Dino

    He's big, he's a man (or a chimp?). This little monkey is often seen swinging from some of the higher threads.
    Nick Ethel Milton
    Notable Car: Westfield

    Originally lurking for some time - this Buzzer is rising to an increasingly higher level of exposure. Goes to a number of Buzzez meets these days.

    Paul Monis (pinkslipdaddy)
    One of Gee's chums, quite a mysterious and worrying character. Like most of Gee's chums, then.

    Will Palmer
    Notable Car: Westfield

    A member of Fluke Motorsport, he appalled the Buzzez community during the shaved testicle scandal. Now recovering at home with a jar of "Regaine for Men."
    Steve Quicksilver (non-Jedi)
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise Sport 135

    Brother of Nognar 8, this serf does not possess the same Jedi powers. Recently and unexpectantly de-lurked when buzzez moved to the BAT server, this Buzzer creates an essential link between the serf commoner as a whole and the higher echelons of the Nognar council.

    Julian Singleton
    Notable Car: Caterham 7; Fiat Coupé

    Ermm, not much is known about him despite being more pro-active in his posting these days! Works near to Pete Tomson though (a few rooms away?). Other Buzzerz probably can fill in this gap in "The Knowledge".

    Mike Stokes
    Notable Car: Subaru Impreza

    Has a link with Wales, hopefully it's not Flossie. Like Nick M, is gaining an increasingly higher level of exposure in the land of Buzzez, and often goes to Buzzez meets.
    Pete Tomson
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise

    Came in handy in providing the e-commerce backbone to a certain well known trackday website when Jules's limits to what could be done with one pair of hands were finally reached. Like many Buzzerz, Pete was amused by "The Bridge Building" game.
    Baron Toner
    Notable Car: Caterham 7; BMW; Mercedes SLK; Elise (sold)

    An old hand stretching back before time begun, Toner is a proper Baron and lives in a castle with Countess Suzi and a four legged beast. Like many other well known historic figures from the 16th Century, they recently purchased an SLK to the dismay of the rest of the population.
    Paul Walker
    Notable Car: Westfield

    Offers more than enough complaints and annoying moans to the Nognar Council that Richard Wilson would be proud. Tried to get on the Nognar council multiple times, permission was denied for no reason whatsoever, other than to annoy him further. A developers worst nightmare. He's allright really though...

    Phil Kennerley
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise 160; Humber Super Snipe MkIII

    Briefly turned up and insulted Jules, then broke his leg or some other important device (spooky, eh?). Again, a bit of an unknown quantity. Currently recovering to renew his campaign in 2002.
    Piers Whitney
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise

    Has a large box of bits in his garage, which once fully assembled, is rumoured to provide several hundred BHP. Refuses to let Nognar 6 try it in his Westfield "for research purposes", it is hoped his will will be willingly broken one day. A friend of Will's (Nognar 3).
    Damian Wilson
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise

    Mysteriously turned up out of the blue and beat everybody at GPL, except for Jules. Much racing then followed until he was finally beaten when Jules vacuumed his pedals and found that they work much better without 300 kilos of dust in the mechanism. Jules quickly quit whilst he was ahead, and indicated "I'm not playing anymore!". Wilson plans a come back in 2002 with a different team, sponsors, and babes.



    Known Lurkers or AWOL (recovering Buzzerz), and other infamous names!
    Top

    Jonathan Bill
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise

    Known as "JJ", a regular and quite friendly on ACL. May have been on Buzzez in the early days but probably couldn't live with the off-topic banter. Most likely to be found on the Elise BBS nowadays, though may occasionally lurk around Buzzez. A BAT regular.

    Tony Blair
    Notable Car: Austin Metro until 1997

    Tony Blair has asked that the intelligence services keep their eye on Buzzez, so as not to miss any important posts.

    Jonathan Blogh
    Notable Car: Porsche Boxster

    Was a regular at one stage, then mysteriously dissappeared after one trackday. He may be posting under a different alias though, perhaps with a disguise - maybe even wearing a nice frock (at weekends).

    Stuart Boffey
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise

    Original BETA tester for the Buzzez1 SUS, once the job was done he was very professional and was not drawn into the Buzzez way of life. Sensible.
    Andrew Clegg
    Notable Car: Seat Leon 20VT Cupra Sport
    Favorite Cleggy quote: 'Italia..., that would be Italian'.

    Believed to be one of Nognar 8's friends. Cleggy is the garage provider for the Nognar 8 Westfield PPE and a friendly beard who helps with the upkeep of the aforementioned purple vehicle.
    Colin Chapman
    Notable Car: Various revolutionary road, competition and F1 cars

    Our good friend Colin sometimes lurks with Lord Lucan.

    DAB
    Notable Car: Lots and lots of Lotuses from Esprits and Elises to Elites and Europas.

    Never made it onto Buzzez despite pleas for him to do so. He was a mysterious character, known only as DAB. Most people believe he was quite large since he couldn't fit in a 7. Rumoured to have developed the Internet-wide term "Bwahaha".

    Simon Daykin
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise

    Suddenly turned up on Buzzez as soon as it moved to BAT, looking for an Elise model for xmas. Was probably lurking all along, and the ID "simond" sounds familiar also.

    Nick Francis
    Notable Car: LAD Motorsport Lotus Elise

    An experienced lurker and trackday goer. Sometimes posts.

    Paul Girt
    Notable Car: EVO VII

    Ocasionally posts. No further information available.

    Rob Gordon
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise

    Also known as "Airborne", and dates back to the ACL days! Another confirmed lurker, has recently been providing the occasional post too.
    Simon Hughes
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise

    Lurked for many years, was forced out of hiding during the Buzzez1 ISP disaster of 2001.
    Kev
    Notable Car: MX5

    A typical associate of the infamous Nognar 10.
    Andreas Kozub
    Notable Car: Tank with 125mm Gun

    The famous swede, who once uttered the immortal words which have become a modern classic "I'm here shatting with my cousin". Good english was never his forté. Posted more often than a cat on heat several years ago - especially on ACL, had to cut back when he was drawn into compulsay Swedish national service - though he denies this. A quick visit to his old Lotus site revealed pics of strange people, and some nudity.

    Bob Van Malzen
    Suddenly appeared for 5 minutes during the move to BAT, and even asked Jonny if he could be added onto the "regular subscriber" list, presumably to maximise his buzzing. Was never seen since. Nothing is known about this person, except that he is based in the Netherlands. I wonder if he knows Andreas?

    Jim Murray
    Notable Car: Lotus 340R; Porsche 911RS

    Lurking and occasionally posting, in between visits to various garages to have his 340R seen to yet again. Ho hum!

    Simon Scuffham
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise "Sport 190", modified for racing and developing around 220bhp or so

    An old name from alt.cars.lotus, fabled for technical knowledge amongst other things, and some racing antics. Last seen holding up Hyla in the final race of the 2001 Elise Motorsport season! Never made more than a couple of Buzzez posts. Wise.

    SuperLurker
    Can't remember his name.

    SuperLurker's Friend
    Can't remember his name either.

    Sunroof
    Notable Car: Mallock Mk28B; Lotus Elise

    Was a Buzzez regular until the move to BAT, in which he become a lurker. This is the opposite of the trend where lurkers became regulars. Such is the toll of disruption in the Nognar Kingdom on such a large scale.
    Tony Churly
    Notable Car: Lotus Elise

    Has something to do with the Stelvio European trip I believe. Was taking part in the GPL sessions when they first got started and often came in 2nd. May be interested in JGT.



    Acronyms
    Top

    If you are easily offended, it is highly recommended that you skip this section. Remember - using an easily keyable and highly offensive Buzzez acronym isn't big or clever, it's just easier. Please also remember this site has no relation to BAT, nor does Buzzez. I also recommend you read the Disclaimer at the foot of this document.
    Acronym
    Description
    Pronounciation
    ACL
    The Usenet Newsgroup alt.cars.lotus. The Buzzez history extends back to "the days of ACL", though it's old hat now.
    "AY-SEE-AL"
    AFAIK
    "As far as I know", more likely meaning "this is probably bishop".
    "AFF-ACK"
    ANMD
    Officially "All-New Matt Daniels" indicating our hero claimed he had reformed into a controlled driver. Other variations include "ANother Matt Daniels", meaning "oh no he's spun again". Failing that you may simply prefer Gee's choice - "Anal Nasty Matt Daniels".
    "ANNE-MEE-DEE"
    ARSE
    Arse Raping Shit Eater.
    "ARSE"
    ARUF
    Ass Ramming Uncle Fucker
    "A-RUF" (also known as a modified Porsche).
    AUNT
    More socially acceptable alternative to "cunt".
    "ARN'T"
    BAT
    Some excuse for a website.
    "BAT"
    BOW
    BMW Owning Wankers (and repeat for other marques).
    "BOW" or "BOW-WOW-LITTLE-DOGGIE"
    BTD
    Blame the Developer.
    "BEAT-THEE"
    BTU
    Blame the User.
    "BEAT-YOU"
    CBA
    Can't/couldn't be arsed. The fact that this could easily be "can" instead of "cant" leads to "potentially hilarious" consequences.
    "CEE ....BAAAH!"
    CAF
    Cool As Fuck. You look totally uncool if you use this though, "dude".
    "CAFF"
    CC
    Credit cards, popular with BAT.
    "SEE-SEE" or "CÉI-CÉI"
    CS
    Consumer / customer scum. Due to it's simple nature, this is what manynew Buzzez newcomers first learn.
    "SEE-ESS"
    DODT / DOD
    Ding of the Day
    "DOY-AT"
    DPM
    Double Posting Muppet.
    "DEE-PEE-EMM"
    DRSE
    Donkey Raping Shit Eater.
    "THE ARSE"
    FFS
    For Fucks Sake. Another popular one is "Oh For Fuck's Sake", more commonly used in the reality as opposed to the Interweb medium. More socially acceptable derivatives include "For Heaven's Sake" or even "For Devon's Bake", which is a reference to an advert for custard.
    "FOR-FUX-SAY-KE" or "FER-FUH-SUK" or "EFF-EFF-ESS"
    FOAD
    Fuck Off And Die. Often used with a 'C' suffix for added effect.
    "FOE-AD" or "FOE-AD-SEE"
    FTF
    Fix The Fucker... often directed towards developers or beards.
    "PHUT FOOT"
    FWIW
    For What It's Worth.
    "FEE-WAH"
    FWU
    Fuck Wit User.
    "FEE-WOO"
    GAF
    Give(s) A Fuck, i.e. "Yeah, but who GAF?".
    "GIVE(s) A FUCK"
    GJOB
    Garage Jewellery Owning Bastard.
    "GEE-JOB"
    GPL
    Grand Prix Legends. PC-based computer simulation of Formula One Racing, 1967. Highly realistic, and due to the subject matter - very challenging. For the casual player, frustrating.
    "GEE-PEE-AL"
    HFS
    Holy Fucking Shit!
    "HIFF-US"
    HKFS
    Horsey Kissey Farmer Stroker.
    "HIK-FUS"
    IIRC
    If I Recall Correctly. Outside of a virtual environment, you may wish to stroke some stubble and gaze on a far away object whilst uttering these words slowly and softly. Adding a "Hmmm..." prefix also helps enormously.
    "EYE EYE REE CEE", "EEE-RICK", "EEE-RUK" or "ERK"
    IFD
    Indeedy Fucking Do
    "IFF-DEE"
    IMHO
    In My Humble Opinion (I am right and you are wrong).
    "IM-HU"
    IMO
    In My Opinion (it's just my opinion, but I still think I'm probably right)
    "EEE-MOH"
    JGT
    Jules's latest crazy project destined for disaster no doubt. No further information available at this time.
    "JAY-GEE-TEA"
    KMA
    Kiss My Arse
    "KAY-MAY"
    LMCMOMTIAATT
    "Let Me Change My Original Message To Include Acronyms And Terms Then". Used only by the Jedi masters.
    "AL-MAC-MO-MITI-ART-AR"
    LSOP
    Lanky Streak of Piss
    "AL-SOP"
    MAAR
    Mark All As Read - a function in the software. The web user equiverlent is to not read any of the posts in the last day or so. Buzzez1 SUS was the first to develop this exact first set of words, though software such as OE had similar though not exact "Mark as Read" functions. Interesting to note that more rival products have identical functions...
    "M-ARR"
    MAG
    Mid Atlantic Gimpoid
    "MAG"
    MGB
    Money Grabbing Bastard (Jonny)
    "EMM-GEE-BEE" or "MIDGE-BEE" or "MORRIS-GARAGES-BASTARD"
    OMG
    Oh my god!
    "O-ME-GOH"
    OTT
    Over the Top. You knew that already.
    "OH TE TE"
    POW
    Porsche Owning Wanker
    "POW" or "PAKKKOWWW!"
    SEOT
    Sorted. End of thread.
    "SEE-OT"
    SCPM
    Spear Chucking Porch Monkey
    "SCUP-UM"
    SFCM
    Shit Faced Cock Master
    "SSSF-CUM"
    SITT
    Speccy IT Twat
    "SIT"
    SMF
    Sound Mother Fucker
    "SMIK-FAH"
    STFU
    "Stupid Twat Fuck You". This usually results in violence, mainly because of confusion with "Shut The Fuck Up".
    "STUF-YOU"
    SUS
    Software Using Scum. Now also refers to the Software Interface of accessing Buzzez.
    "SUSS"
    SWDYWAFM
    So what do you want? A fucking medal?
    "SWA-DEE-FARM"
    SWMBO
    She Who Must Be Obeyed (i.e. your significant other)
    "SWIM-BO"
    TADTS
    They All Do That Sir
    "T-ADD-T-SSS"
    UAAFWOTHO
    "You are a fuckwit of the highest order." A neat one to calmly drop in during an intense flame war.
    "YOU-AFF-WOH-TOW"
    VFOS
    Vegetable fucking oil scum
    "VEE-FOSS"
    WTF
    What the Fuck? A popular one now with a range of merchandise available.
    "WHAT-THE-F" or "WUT-FLUFF" or "WH-UT-FER"
    WUS
    Web Using Scum. Now also refers to the web interface of accessing Buzzez.
    "WUSS"


    Common Emotional Reactions

    Acronym
    Description
    Pronounciation
    LOL
    Laugh out loud.
    "LOL"
    LMAO
    Laugh my ass off.
    "LE-MO"
    LMNSO
    Laugh my nut sack off.
    "LIM-IN-US-SO"
    LMSNO
    Laugh my shaven nuts off.
    "LIM-SNOW"
    LMNSNO
    Laugh my not shaven nuts off.
    "LIM-IN-US-NO"
    ROFL
    Rolls on floor laughing.
    "ROF-AL" or "WAFFLE"
    ROFLMAO
    Rolls on floor laughing my ass off.
    "ROF-LE-MO"
    ROFPML
    Rolls on floor pissing myself laughing.
    "ROF-PUM-EL"
    ROFLLAAB
    Rolls on floor laughing like an absolute bastard.
    "ROF-LAB" or "WAFFLE LAB" sometimes even "NESTLE"
    G+one of the above = genuine... e.g. GLOL "GEE-LOL" or an actual laugh (shock!)


    Special Moves

    Acronym
    Description
    Pronounciation
    AGOTL
    Acronym Genie Of The Lamp - a special being with hidden powers, that will - when the buzzez acronym user confuses LOL's and GLOL's and other combinations will inflict a mischevious penalty to the half-witted user. For example, this is how Baron Toner come to lose his arse one day whilst absent mindedly using a LMAO. His arse had to be reconstructed by chopping the ends off his legs. This also explains why his legs are somewhat short relative to the overall mass and volume of the rest of his body.
    "AG-OT-OL"
    KAJS FASKH FGAS F JHASGFFJ AF
    Basically any random set of letters. Used by no-tails to say "I am tired of your immature Buzzez acronyms and beg you to stop immediatly.
    "#$£! "$#'!"



    Terms
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    Term
    Description or Meaning
    :-o
    I should be in shock, but because I'm cool I'm not. You can also use "colon dash o" or [:o] (generates smilie). If using the original, font face should be set to Arial.
    :-o
    I should be in shock, and I am in shock (often difficult to tell this entry and the one above apart in the heat of the moment).
    :-O
    I offer you a blow job (this is often not the intention, and is most likely caused by a typo error - always seek clarification!).
    .
    :-|
    "age"
    Added to any word to make it more acceptable to the Buzzez population. e.g. "Beardage", "Yokeage" and "HelmutSpankerage".
    Beard
    Caterfield owner
    Bishop
    A more socially acceptable alternative to "Bollocks". Can be expressed on a scale of either 1 to 10, or the more popular 5 star rating. e.g. " Bishop Rating: *** ".
    Buzzerism
    Acronyms and Terms of Buzzez.
    Caterfield
    Meaning a Caterham / Westfield / Omatic / Tiger / DAX / Donkervoort / Robin Hood / etc. Cateromaterfield is another alternative. It would be so much easier if there was an officially accepted term - like "Hot Hatch", to describe the 7 design. "Seven" would have sufficed, yet a number of Caterham owners get upset over this.
    Caterfield Almostinafield
    Caterham driven to poor standards.
    Cunt
    Clarkey
    Custard
    Resolves Jam imbalance. Also see "Jam".
    Ding!
    Meaning, "I agree!" - sometimes with quite a bit of enthusiasm.
    Fucknose
    An interesting fusion between nasal activities and confusion. Can also be a sexual position.
    Goddards
    Odd. e.g. (pointing to a man with no head): "That man is Goddards".
    Goofgoo / Goofgood / Goodgood
    See separate section below.
    Goon
    Fool
    "Hello Ray"
    Always inserted a large quanitity of repeated text, or sometimes in Yahoo IM conversations and source code.
    Helmut Spanker
    Romping Norman. Also see "Romping Norman."
    "I Raise Your Pah Two Rubbles"
    Meaning unknown, but regulary used in conversation.
    Interweb
    The Internet, in cutesy-dumb blonde terminology. See also "Webnet" which is less commonly used though makes for some variety.
    Jaffa's
    Little orange circles, which if they had a slightly larger dark border would look like Jaffa Cakes.
    Jaffa Cakes
    Yummy yummy in our tummies. A Buzzez party or trackday is not complete without at least somebody bringing along some of these.
    Jam
    Utilised by SITTs to solve problems. Also see "Custard" above and "SITT" in Acronyms. If you are still unsure of it's usage ask for a demonstration.
    Minger
    Clarkey Fodder
    Muppet
    Goon. Also see "Goon".
    No-Tail
    Female person of the opposite genital group.
    Nognar
    You need to ask about Nognar? You should spend one session with Spikey Herman, Romping Norman or Helmut Spanker...
    Psycho Woman
    5 year old french girl on speed.
    Re-Vaginate.
    Okay, not a Buzzism but a cool word nonetheless, and one that we should encourage the frequent use of. Means fingering a paper mouse.
    Romping Norman
    Spikey Herman. Also see "Spikey Herman".
    Scum
    Everybodies favourite Honda boy: Vtec Limey.
    Spikey Herman
    Helmut Spanker. Also see "Helmut Spanker".
    Webnet
    The Internet, in cutesy-dumb blonde terminology. See also "Interweb", which is more commonly used.



    Goofgoo / GoofGood / GoodGood Explained
    Top

    Goofgoo, plus it's sister terms GoofGood and GoodGood are finely crafted pieces of the Nognar language.

    GoodGood came about because I was playing a game with some Orkish type creatures in it, that would acknowledge your requests by saying what sounded like (at the time) "GoodGood" in a sort of Orkish voice. I'm not so sure about this though, since I later went back to record the sample and put it on my site, only to find that it didn't sound like GoodGood at all. Perhaps it was more a cross between "DougDoug" and "NukNuk".

    In truth, the term and perhaps the entire Orkish race itself exists only in my mind. The meaning of "GoodGood" for the common male is "Affirmative" whereas for the lesser female it is "Me Likes".

    With the basis of a new word sat out on the Colins English Dictionary ready for use, some finer crafting was required. On conversing with several females about the original design concept, it seemed that in trials many were saying "Good Good" as two separate words rather than the "GoodGood" method. It was then found that explaining the method of verbal deployment is similair to that of "Goodwood", hence "Good" said twice in quick succession was a success. Therefore, the motorsport tie-in was finalised.

    Later in the words development, Nognar speak and typos generated the term "GoofGood". This is most often said in a comical way and is best thought of as "I'm a goofy cheeky scamp and I raise your pah two rubbles, I bid you one GoodGood". This is a less formal alternative to "GoodGood", when that term is considered too upper class.

    The latest development in the saga comes in the form of "Goofgoo". Notice the singular uppercase. This is a much more open ended word designed to accept a wide variety of attachments and can be used in situations of drunkuness where the alternatives are too difficult to operate, or in suprise... e.g. "Goofgoo???". This is the only term which can be used by Nognar infants, and is being used as a basis for the prototype word "GooGoo", being developed by Dave Higgs and Son.



    Disclaimer
    Top

    Opinions are (mostly) my own and in no way reflect those of Bookatrack.com or the opinions of any of the names listed here. This disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorised use, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, and incidents owing to ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, and/or projectile (which can include, but not limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, bb's, paintball, airgun pellets, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives and stones).

    Buzzez Forever!